Once in a while, I simply blog feelings & thoughts. I sometimes apologize because it's not "weight loss" related, but the reality is... it's VERY "weight loss" related.
We all know that eating is often a way to deal with stress or even happiness. We eat when we're upset, sad, in pain, simply down. But we also eat to celebrate life. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, birth of a newborn, and so much more tend to bring us all together around tables of our favorite foods, gathered with those we want to share these exciting & happy moments with. THAT is probably one of the biggest reasons weight loss can be so extremely hard... our world does and probably always will, revolve around food. I've finally learned how to celebrate or sulk, without that crutch MOST of the time and I feel very lucky for that.
A lot of you know that I recently met a guy, Rich, that just simply knocked my socks off. (If he reads this he is gonna pee himself at that line *grin*) (The picture to the right is of me, Rich & one of his drummer idols Joe Travers) It's the first time, ever, in my life I've allowed any other person (with the exception of my children) to truly crawl into my heart & soul. I won't lie, it's scary as hell.... yet the most comforting thing I've ever experienced. It's so out of character for me and anyone who knows me at all knows this. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I've had so much opposition to my suddenly "changing" and so quickly allowing this stranger to take such a hold of both my heart & soul immediately. I also realize now that this is probably why it's been so "scary" for my kids too. They've never dealt with this side of me. Hell, I've never dealt with this side of me. But I know one thing... there are very few people in this world I would take a bullet for... my kids have always been on that list since the day they were inside me and now, Rich is too. I would die for this man to save his life. He means that much to me. And THAT says it all. NEVER have I felt that for anyone other than my own flesh & blood.
Rich's entrance into my life seems to be the "Icing On My Cake" so to speak. My life truly has been so blessed. I've had cancer 5x, only to survive it and become stronger. I've lost my job & income, only to have so many other opportunities coming into line (one of which is reading for a "job"... one of my biggest passions in life is reading and I get paid to do it). I got smacked with MS, only to learn how to look adversity straight in it's face and say "sorry, you're not going to take over my life". I look around me and I see my life coming around into this beautiful blossom of a flower and the world is my vase to hold me and nourish me as I bloom. Funny, I used to think by the age of 46 I'd be in a wheelchair and diapers! LOL Now I realize my life is just beginning. I've learned how to accept myself, accept my life and what God has given me in it and most of all accept that someone else can truly love me with all their heart and soul back. Never have I had that, again, with the exception of my children.
I have so much ahead of me, business opportunities that I would have never had the courage to try to achieve before I battled cancer. Now any battle I have is so small in perspective to the battles I've already conquered! Perhaps THAT is my answer to "Why?", when I asked God that question during my hardships.
I've been blessed with 3 beautiful kids that are growing into such wonderful young adults. My twins (pic on the left), turning 18 in November, are seeing that they need to make decisions and these decisions are going to make a difference in their entire future. They're seeing "right" and "wrong" and making decisions based upon what I've hoped I taught them.. and now am seeing they truly did learn. They're realizing that they too are worth the love that is out there for them... from friends, family, and romantic adventures to come. And they're growing into these amazing people that are making such an impact upon this world as they too blossom into their own.
My oldest (pic on the right - her St. Patty's day pose LOL) (21) is reaching the point in her life where she has a "career", in a field that she dreamed of being in since she was literally 2 years old. Hopefully she sees how she can grow with this career and make it whatever she dreams it to be and more so, I hope that she will look at what I've become and realize she too can achieve her goals... just let it happen. I think she's been the one that inherited my "guarded heart", more so than the other two and this bothers me because she is beautiful ... from the inside out... and deserves to ALLOW others to love her too. I hope she sees that mom took that plunge and survived... although it took me so many years to get there... but it was worth the wait, and will realize that it's ok to open up your heart and let someone in, completely. You cannot find love without heart ache, otherwise you'll never know it's truly love.
I'm hoping I have a life of growing old with someone that seems to accept me for everything I am, in spite of or because of it.. either way... accepting me for me. While there's no guarantees with "love", I can honestly say I'm not afraid this time. That's something I've never said before. I've always been guarded and never allowed a complete entry into this jaded heart. I won't lie, I've loved before.. but I've never felt so much IN love. There is a difference and I'm finally seeing it. I never knew it existed before this.
All of this leads me to my final blessing in life, my ability to change. I've watched myself transform into something I love. Yes, you read that right... I love me. I truly do. I know I'm not perfect, but I also know that those imperfections make me who I am. I also know that I am not only worthy, but deserving of having someone love me back... whether it be my own family, children, parents, animals, or Rich. Before this point in my life I never felt worthy. I abused my own body, allowed excuses to keep me from becoming the healthy person I am becoming now. I didn't love ME enough to take care of me. I took care of everyone around me and ignored myself... because I simply wasn't willing to accept my own worth. Again, I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be a svelte 110 pound "barbie doll" figured woman. I don't ever want to be that. I want to be a healthy, happy, beautiful from the inside out woman. Oddly enough, I've found that inner beauty to be so intense that it just makes me feel beautiful on the outside anymore. I might be the homeliest thing to walk this earth but I don't feel that way anymore! And feeling that beauty from deep within allows me to believe it when someone looks at me and tells me "You are beautiful honey" or "You are amazing". Before this point in my life, I felt those words were lies because I couldn't believe it myself.
I've been so very lucky in life.... even when I've thought just the opposite. I've learned from the hardships and hope to always learn from them. I've been given the opportunity to love with every ounce of my being, not only to my children, my family, my pets, my friends, but finally to another human being that completes me.
I hope that no matter what YOU do in life, you realize that you too are lucky. The hardships you go through are there to prepare you for the wonderful times. To make you appreciate them. No matter how hard it gets, never stop believing in yourself. I promise you, you are worth it. And once you realize this; once you admit to yourself and the world around you that YOU are worth the time, the effort, the money, the work... you are going to be the best you can be. You are going to be "Lucky In Life" too. Or perhaps a better term is truly "blessed".
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These are just a few of the people online that inspire me....
Check out the Fab Fatties
2. Joe Gigantino - Fitness Trainer
This is the guy that really set me on the path to physical fitness
6.Sean Anderson the formerly 500lb man!
Diary of A Winning Loser
*Note I am not affiliated nor endorsed by Weight Watchers® at all, in any way. I highly recommend their program and cannot say enough GOOD about it, but I also have decided that they were my "stepping stone" to making a change in my lifestyle. Any mention of Weight Watchers®, their program or their term of "points®" does not mean they have approved, seen, or endorsed anything on my blogs.
Also, if at any time Points® are mentioned it is always with the assumption that you will analyze the recipes, foods, ingredients and figure the points out specifically for your consumption of any product, as ingredients may vary by brand, size, etc.