One Day At A Time: happiness

Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Lucky in Life

Once in a while, I simply blog feelings & thoughts. I sometimes apologize because it's not "weight loss" related, but the reality is... it's VERY "weight loss" related.

We all know that eating is often a way to deal with stress or even happiness. We eat when we're upset, sad, in pain, simply down. But we also eat to celebrate life. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, birth of a newborn, and so much more tend to bring us all together around tables of our favorite foods, gathered with those we want to share these exciting & happy moments with. THAT is probably one of the biggest reasons weight loss can be so extremely hard... our world does and probably always will, revolve around food. I've finally learned how to celebrate or sulk, without that crutch MOST of the time and I feel very lucky for that.

A lot of you know that I recently met a guy, Rich, that just simply knock

ed my socks off. (If he reads this he is gonna pee himself at that line *grin*) (The picture to the right is of me, Rich & one of his drummer idols Joe Travers) It's the first time, ever, in my life I've allowed any other person (with the exception of my children) to truly crawl into my heart & soul. I won't lie, it's scary as hell.... yet the most comforting thing I've ever experienced. It's so out of character for me and anyone who knows me at all knows this. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I've had so much opposition to my suddenly "changing" and so quickly allowing this stranger to take such a hold of both my heart & soul immediately. I also realize now that this is probably why it's been so "scary" for my kids too. They've never dealt with this side of me. Hell, I've never dealt with this side of me. But I know one thing... there are very few people in this world I would take a bullet for... my kids have always been on that list since the day they were inside me and now, Rich is too. I would die for this man to save his life. He means that much to me. And THAT says it all. NEVER have I felt that for anyone other than my own flesh & blood.

Rich's entrance into my life seems to be the "Icing On My Cake" so to speak. My life truly has been so blessed. I've had cancer 5x, only to survive it and become stronger. I've lost my job & income, only to have so many other opportunities coming into line (one of which is reading for a "job"... one of my biggest passions in life is reading and I get paid to do it). I got smacked with MS, only to learn how to look adversity straight in it's face and say "sorry, you're not going to take over my life". I look around me and I see my life coming around into this beautiful blossom of a flower and the world is my vase to hold me and nourish me as I bloom. Funny, I used to think by the age of 46 I'd be in a wheelchair and diapers! LOL Now I realize my life is just beginning. I've learned how to accept myself, accept my life and what God has given me in it and most of all accept that someone else can truly love me with all their heart and soul back. Never have I had that, again, with the exception of my children.

I have so much ahead of me, business opportunities that I would have never had the courage to try to achieve before I battled cancer. Now any battle I have is so small in perspective to the battles I've already conquered! Perhaps THAT is my answer to "Why?", when I asked God that question during my hardships.

I've bee

n blessed with 3 beautiful kids that are growing into such wonderful young adults. My twins (pic on the left), turning 18 in November, are seeing that they need to make decisions and these decisions are going to make a difference in their entire future. They're seeing "right" and "wrong" and making decisions based upon what I've hoped I taught them.. and now am seeing they truly did learn. They're realizing that they too are worth the love that is out there for them... from friends, family, and romantic adventures to come. And they're growing into these amazing people that are making such an impact upon this world as they too blossom into their own.

My oldest (pic on the right - her St. Patty's day pose LOL) (21) is reaching the point in

her life where she has a "career", in a field that she dreamed of being in since she was literally 2 years old. Hopefully she sees how she can grow with this career and make it whatever she dreams it to be and more so, I hope that she will look at what I've become and realize she too can achieve her goals... just let it happen. I think she's been the one that inherited my "guarded heart", more so than the other two and this bothers me because she is beautiful ... from the inside out... and deserves to ALLOW others to love her too. I hope she sees that mom took that plunge and survived... although it took me so many years to get there... but it was worth the wait, and will realize that it's ok to open up your heart and let someone in, completely. You cannot find love without heart ache, otherwise you'll never know it's truly love.

I'm hoping I have a life of growing old with someone that seems to accept me for everything I am, in spite of or because of it.. either way... accepting me for me. While there's no guarantees with "love", I can honestly say I'm not afraid this time. That's something I've never said before. I've always been guarded and never allowed a complete entry into this jaded heart. I won't lie, I've loved before.. but I've never felt so much IN love. There is a difference and I'm finally seeing it. I never knew it existed before this.

All of this leads me to my final blessing in life, my ability to change. I've watched myself transform into something I love. Yes, you read that right... I love me. I truly do. I know I'm not perfect, but I also know that those imperfections make me who I am. I also know that I am not only worthy, but deserving of having someone love me back... whether it be my own family, children, parents, animals, or Rich. Before this point in my life I never felt worthy. I abused my own body, allowed excuses to keep me from becoming the healthy person I am becoming now. I didn't love ME enough to take care of me. I took care of everyone around me and ignored myself... because I simply wasn't willing to accept my own worth. Again, I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be a svelte 110 pound "barbie doll" figured woman. I don't ever want to be that. I want to be a healthy, happy, beautiful from the inside out woman. Oddly enough, I've found that inner beauty to be so intense that it just makes me feel beautiful on the outside anymore. I might be the homeliest thing to walk this earth but I don't feel that way anymore! And feeling that beauty from deep within allows me to believe it when someone looks at me and tells me "You are beautiful honey" or "You are amazing". Before this point in my life, I felt those words were lies because I couldn't believe it myself.

I've been so very lucky in life.... even when I've thought just the opposite. I've learned from the hardships and hope to always learn from them. I've been given the opportunity to love with every ounce of my being, not only to my children, my family, my pets, my friends, but finally to another human being that completes me.

I hope that no matter what YOU do in life, you realize that you too are lucky. The hardships you go through are there to prepare you for the wonderful times. To make you appreciate them. No matter how hard it gets, never stop believing in yourself. I promise you, you are worth it. And once you realize this; once you admit to yourself and the world around you that YOU are worth the time, the effort, the money, the work... you are going to be the best you can be. You are going to be "Lucky In Life" too. Or perhaps a better term is truly "blessed".

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By Body & Soul

Check out my Daily Menu Food Log for a quick glance at what I'm eating to get where I'm at, which is a healthier & therefore thinner ME!

Don't forget to check out my newest Book Blog, where I give book reviews on recent books I've read. If you're a reader you'll want to check this out!

WE CAN DO THIS, TOGETHER
ONE DAY AT A TIME!

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Who Else Helps me get healthy?
These are just a few of the people online that inspire me....

Check out the Fab Fatties

2. Joe Gigantino - Fitness Trainer
This is the guy that really set me on the path to physical fitness

4. BWJEN

6.Sean Anderson the formerly 500lb man!
Diary of A Winning Loser

*Note I am not affiliated nor endorsed by Weight Watchers® at all, in any way. I highly recommend their program and cannot say enough GOOD about it, but I also have decided that they were my "stepping stone" to making a change in my lifestyle. Any mention of Weight Watchers®, their program or their term of "points®" does not mean they have approved, seen, or endorsed anything on my blogs.

Also, if at any time Points® are mentioned it is always with the assumption that you will analyze the recipes, foods, ingredients and figure the points out specifically for your consumption of any product, as ingredients may vary by brand, size, etc.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Creating Happiness.. getting results

It's no secret that one of the biggest keys to success is "happiness". I've gone through some major crap in life (haven't we all?) but I find that the days that I concentrate on the good parts, the happy parts, the parts I want to remember forever.... are the reasons for my success in not only my life thus far but especially in my weight loss.

Anyone who knows me knows I've not been the most successful in the "love" area. LOL That's an understatement eh? I've had everything from "oops I forgot to tell you I was married" to "you're my everything so now I'll stalk you" and every other whack job in between. I'm certain it's not all their fault, I've allowed a lot of it happen and take responsibility as a grown adult for not demanding more for myself sometimes. I put my "love life" on the back burner for the past 10 years or so to be there for my kids. I've dated, enjoyed some good and some bad relationships but never allowed any to become an important part of my life. But as much as I wanted to say "I don't need a mate" I knew, if I was being honest, that I had something missing. I battled cancer alone (not really, I had family but you know what I mean by "alone" in this sense), I battled MS alone, I battled financial digression and so much more... all alone. I stood strong for my kids and would never change that but I also think it was a huge factor in my weight gains.

I had medical issues that helped add to the weight, but truth be told I didn't really care if I became fat & unhealthy. The day that attitude changed I felt like I had lifted a million pound weight off me. I never looked back, but as I look ahead I see such a beautiful future and now I have someone to share it with. The happiness this man has given me, in the short time we've known each other & been together, has truly inspired me even more to become even healthier. I don't want to battle cancer again with him at my side, I don't want to battle MS symptoms... I want a healthy body that I can share and embrace with him as we move into our future.

Other times in my life when love walked in, in it's limited fashion that I would allow, I would almost always gain weight. One guy I swear to God I gained 10 pounds within weeks because we would just eat. I should have seen that as a sign eh? LOL But this time it's been so different. We do go out to eat. Sometimes I make slightly "less than great" choices, but for the most part I not only control my portions extremely well but I pick what I would if I were dining alone or with just the kids... staying on program and continuing to lose the weight.

The funny part is, the first week of "weigh in" after meeting him I had "maintained"... to his defense, he came in on a "TOM" week and I never lose then.. lol... but I was happy as I also had been so busy between scheduling and such that staying the same was not big deal. Week two I had a minimal gain, again not his fault.. I swear.. lol.. with something like 0.2 lbs gained. I had hurt myself at the gym being an idiot (I always think I'm so in shape! LOL) so I ended up having to give up nearly an entire week of "workouts", causing the slight gain. This most recent weigh in I about died. I really hadn't thought much about whether I stayed on program or not. Oddly enough, it had just become a way of life for me now and the decisions I make are natural. If we dine out I make good choices, control my portions and to be honest.... 90% of the time could care less if I even eat as I'm so wrapped up in conversation with this man that it's unreal. I love to hear him talk and laugh and simply just be with him. Food happens to end up on the table but I rarely care or notice. I think that's an amazing thing for me... it used to be the food always got my attention... conversation and laughter came with it.

So I decided that since I haven't blogged in a while, yeah I know.. he's taking up so much of my time *grin*... I had to blog about being happy and how to handle it! Sounds easy enough, you're happy, you enjoy it! Right? But those of us with food addictions or whatever you'd like to call our bad eating habits & lack of control when food is around know that it's not always that easy. So many times we celebrate with food, we eat out of both depression and elation. But suddenly, when you realize this, it becomes something you can control. I've made it a habit of holding his hand while we're eating. Hopefully it doesn't bug him, he hasn't complained yet, but it helps me slow down and not shovel the food in. It also makes me stop eating for a bit and just look at him to smile. Yeah, you can barf now. LOL

But your happiness doesn't have to come from someone else. It's time to take that step back in your life and decide if you're being honest with yourself. Are you really happy or are you putting on a front for others? If it's the latter, which for me it was, it's time to change. That underlying unhappiness is something that you can change and once you do you will find that you no longer have this emptiness you try to fill with food. Finding your happiness can be as easy as finding time for friends, family or old acquaintances to finding/making time for YOU at the gym or even taking walks. It's not hard to figure out what makes you happy... it's harder to figure out how to get that happiness to stay with you. But the reality is, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

So grab onto that happiness bug, and let it take you past the food buffet and into a world of "eating to live" not "living to eat". It's amazing when you realize that happiness is no longer attached to food, but to something or someone that brings that happiness into your life. Happiness is what you make of your life. You can sit back and let it happen or you can create it. You have the reigns of control, it's time to use them!

What makes me happy? Pretty simple things really:

My kids (Richard, Noelle & Nicole)
My sweetheart (Rich Z.) and all the things he does... from simply holding me to kissing me to just being with me when I need those big, burly arms!
My puppies (yeah, kids & kritters have my heart all too often)
My "me time" at the gym
Reading a book
Watching a sunset (happens to be best when done with #2 on the list *grin*)
Watching a sunrise (again, seems like that would be best with #2 on the list too eh?)
Swimming in a pool, feeling my body just relax in the water

My list could go on... but I take this list with me in my mind, every where I go. I always know that if I need to smile, I think of one of those things on that list or better yet, enjoy one of those things. That happiness results in my not running to the fridge or drive-thru to drown my sorrows. How do I know it works? Today was a perfect example.... without going into detail I got some more "bad news" from the ex about his issues with the kids. He's such a loser & it seems like no matter what that man can make me upset. He did. But oddly, this time after I spent time at the lawyers office and sat back for a few minutes I pictured this moment:

I sat on a bench with Rich, just being held, talking and enjoying each others company. It was a short moment in the span of life itself but one of those ones that I will treasure forever. Even if the "romance" dwindles and we parted ways, I'd keep this in my vault of "most wonderful moment memories". It made me not only smile but realize a greasy burger or fatty milkshake wasn't nearly as wonderful as that thought, that picture.

So take the time to make your list. Use that list when you need it because there are going to be times in your life when you will decide you need to fall back on something... and this time.. don't let it be FOOD! I know it's made a huge difference in my life to fall back on "happiness" now... and with 5.2 lbs. lost this past week.. and I'm certain more this week... I know it's all for the best.

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