Friday, August 28, 2009

Thanks Anger!

Somehow, I manage to find the most amazing men out there. I'm being very sarcastic, but I'm not lying. LOL I'm not asking for a pity party, I'm actually quite proud of myself for my newest accomplishment. So much so that I decided to blog about it here.. because it's a huge step for me and a huge accomplishment in my weight loss and healthy living journey.

Long story short, I decided I deserved better than what I was allowing to happen with me in a relationship... so I decided... to move on....

So I did.

Unfortunately, I found another completely inconsiderate, selfish bastard. Amazing how many of them there are out there. I think I might start a book on the ratio of actual TRUE gentlemen versus completely ignorant, selfish, rude, assholes with penises. Sorry men, the bashing is needed sometimes... I hear not all are this way... PLEASE let me find that's true?! LOL

Pardon my "French" for this blog... I'm dealing with anger... but OOOOH has the ANGER become my friend.

Tonight I was upset & it involved the opposite sex (go figure) and it not only made me do something I don't do often ( question MYSELF as to if I was "worthy" or had something wrong with me) but it made me do something totally different than I normally do when stressed.

I'll be honest, it was easy as hell to do tonight.... I struggled with a few moments of "what should I do.. this or that" and ended up deciding that instead of allowing for a pity party, accompanied by food (my former friend & supporter of any anxiety) and booze to just drown my sorrows & possibly dance (which would have ended up really hurting the back), I would instead go to the gym. Yes, you read that right... those who knew the "unhealthy" Bev are now gasping.. but I swear to you it's true!

I not only decided the gym would be a better idea than a bar, food & booze but a punching bag would be an even better idea. I'm not gonna lie. I hurt, hurt enough that I had to double my morphine tonight just from the pain & add a muscle relaxant, but I don't really care. I punched the shit out of that bag like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately my "tomorrow" I will probably pay for it with my Chronic Pain being beyond "chronic" LOL, but I dont' care. I probably looked like a complete moron.. or a psychotic, scorned woman? Probably the last now that I think of it. LOL BUT the end result was not only 30 minutes (off and on) of punching the hell out of a bag and getting out all of my aggressions but losing some calories, toning some muscles & feeling a little better.

The punching wasn't enough for me though. I needed more. I needed to just run.. get away from everything, everyone, every thought. Again, my "OLD" self would have ventured to the freezer for a pint of Ben & Jerry's, scoffing it down like I hadn't eaten for a month to "feel better. Now I was craving movement, adrenaline, revenge.

I jumped into the pool, already worked out once today putting in my mile running/jogging in the pool & upper body water workout, but was determined to put at least a mile behind me again. By the way, chlorine hurts skinned, bloodied knuckles when you hop it... but it's a good hurt. See the pic of my hand on the right. *grin*

So I decided today that this was a HUGE, HUGE, HUMONGOUS step for me.

For the first time in my life I did NOT turn to food for comfort. I actually turned in the opposite direction and it felt so DAMN GOOD!

I'm sure it's just one of many disappointments I'll have in the opposite sex. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, eh? LOL I know, we all have them.... but really... men... piece of advice...try honesty & consideration when you want a woman to even consider your company. It's funny, because before my lifestyle change I would have allowed this person to walk all over me too.. and this time.. one chance, blew it.. walked.... and never looked back. I deserve better & I'd rather have nobody than somebody who can't appreciate what he has.

So to all you idiot men out there (and I hear there are some out there that are not.. unfortunately from my experience they're all married or gay LOL) .. but I want to thank you... from the bottom of my heart... with FULLEST GRATITUDE for making me become what I've always wanted!

I will beast it out every time one of you tears a little piece of me away... and as I build my own self-esteem back up from that "beasting"... I'll be getting healthier, toned and even more confident that it's NOT me that's wrong anymore.

If "he" can't figure out how to treat a woman, he doesn't deserve my attention... however, since the gym, pool & punching bag treats me well.... THEY will be seeing a lot more of me, or perhaps I should say a LOT LESS OF ME.. but MORE OFTEN?

I apologize for offensive language... but it's a blog that's intense and full of emotion. I'm so proud of how I handled things this time... from the standing my ground and DEMANDING better treatment to using better judgment on how to handle the stress. This is definitely a step in the right direction and a step towards a LIFETIME of healthy choices.

Check out my Daily Menu Food Log for a quick glance at what I'm eating to get where I'm at, which is a healthier & therefore thinner ME!

Don't forget to check out my newest Book Blog, where I give book reviews on recent books I've read. If you're a reader you'll want to check this out!


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Who Else Helps me get healthy?
These are just a few of the people online that inspire me....

1. Weight Loss With The Fabulous Fatties
Check out the Fab Fatties

2. Joe Gigantino - Fitness Trainer
This is the guy that really set me on the path to physical fitness
Joe Gigantino

3. HK Weighs In


5.Get Fit After 40

5.Green Lite Bites

6.Sean Anderson the formerly 500lb man!
Diary of A Winning Loser
Sean Anderson

*Note I am not affiliated nor endorsed by Weight Watchers® at all, in any way. I highly recommend their program and cannot say enough GOOD about it, but I also have decided that they were my "stepping stone" to making a change in my lifestyle. Any mention of Weight Watchers®, their program or their term of "points®" does not mean they have approved, seen, or endorsed anything on my blogs.

Also, if at any time Points® are mentioned it is always with the assumption that you will analyze the recipes, foods, ingredients and figure the points out specifically for your consumption of any product, as ingredients may vary by brand, size, etc.