I made the decision to become "healthy" after realizing I can't be 45 years old and feel like I do. I've told my story and I'm not asking for sorrow or even applause but I'd like to take this day to blog about all the feelings that go along with what I'm doing. What OTHERS like me are doing. I'm so VERY NOT alone in this. For the first time in a long time I honestly feel like I'm NOT alone and while some may scoff, a lot of this feeling comes from my "Fitter Twitter" friends as I like to call them.
I've NEVER in my life said how much I weighed. I've always been 'heavy', but never like this. Almost 10 years ago I reached a point in my life I never, ever thought I'd reach.... the 300+ club. Believe me, it's not a club that hands out big memberships with lots of perks (unless you consider dying younger a perk). I had begun steroid treatment for Multiple Sclerosis, birthed twins (not an excuse but definitely made a difference) plus a singleton (twin talk for 1 baby at a time LOL) and started a 10 year battle with cancer.
Funny part was, I was always active. I played sports, ran daily (13 miles around Presque Isle, there and back home again). To be stuck in my "fat suit" wasn't easy.
This Blog is my breaking out. If you've followed me at all, you may have noticed my new "running tally" at the top. Yes, it gives NUMBERS. I'm not proud of those numbers, well, yes I am. I'm proud that they are changing and I am the one changing them. I started out going towards the 350 lb. mark! I was told several things, none of them having to do with the cancer survival & what I had to deal with there, but instead things like "Well you're definitely going to have diabetes, it's just a matter of time." "Heart issues run in your family, you're going to eventually going to have some issues." and my favorite "You don't have any other option, gastric bypass is the only way you're going to live to see even 50."
Take all of those comments from physicians, and probably even more, and add to that cancer every 2 years for 10 years running with a little MS added in.
Now tell me what YOU would do? You would want to live, I'm almost certain. You and I are not very different at all, even if you're reading this & are at your ideal weight, working out, buff and feeling great. Why do I know this? Because YOU chose to be the way you are now. So if you're already where I'm heading for, you were lucky enough or smart enough to know to get there. If you're here with me, struggling to become in control and healthy... perhaps for the first time in your life even, then let's lean on each other. Let's boost each other up. Let's make this something we will never forget!
So that's why I called my Blog "One Day At a Time" because that's how I have to do this. I know it's not a magical change. I'm going to have pit falls. (Dear Lord give me the strength to pass by the "Hot Light" on Krispy Kreme without pulling in!) But I also know that those pitfalls no longer mean that I should quit! If I DO pull into Krispy Kreme (which I have since I've decided to be healthier) perhaps I'll have the strength to buy a single donut, eat it moaning like ..well we won't discuss that part.... but enjoying it thoroughly but then being done with it all. Getting my fix, not ending my healthy lifestyle. And what if I do buy a dozen, eat them until I'm sick? Well, I won't lie, I'll be really pissed at myself. VERY pissed at myself to be honest, but I'll move on. That's what's changed about me this time. Even if I lose control, I'll still be IN control with the final decision and that final decision will be to continue eating healthy, felling better, working out and enjoying life to the fullest.
I know that I'm not going to go to a birthday party and NEVER touch a piece of cake & ice cream to top it off. But I know that I'll be able to eat 1/2 of that cake or maybe even sit the whole piece down while munching on something healthier ... or maybe not even EAT at all to socialize.
I know I'm not going to never go out to listen to some new bands, friends bands, old bands I've loved or whatever at the local bar but I know that now I handle it with and MGD 64 (1 pt) and a Sugar Free Red Bull to help me nurse the night. You'd be surprised how happy guys are to walk up now and offer to buy me a drink, only to find it's water in my glass. Guess I'm a cheap date now? LOL
I just wanted to take the time to say thanks to all those who support me. My kids, GOD how they have supported me. These kids tell me every time they look at me how wonderful I look, how much better I seem to feel & how beautiful I STILL am, but even more now. They laugh at my undies that fall off, my nighties that I'm now tripping over because my big belly doesn't hold them up anymore and I laugh with them.
Thanks to the people I've met online that have inspired me. Some of you are clueless how much of an inspiration you are and I know if I list you I'll forget someone but look below to see just a few.
Add to that clickable list below some of my "Fitter Twitter" friends like @JoeGigantino (a man who lives on the other side of the country but actually took the time out of his very busy day to talk to me on the phone about how to get a "core" workout in the pool, who directed me, guided me and continues to say something that almost makes me cry "I'm proud of u"... when just weeks ago we were strangers.)
@W8LossChick who took me under her wing, not to make money and sell me anything but to inspire me, guide me and give me tips on how to do this when I was beginning to get discouraged with 1.2 lb weight losses or less using the Weight Watcher plan (a fabulous plan that I will and do continue to use) but gave me some tips to tweak what I was doing, add natural supplements, extra little things that even before I started the gym made my losses go up nearly 2 lbs more a week. Who also is guiding my daughter with her new product which controls appetites to help you get to the point where your body begins to help YOU get into control. More of that at a later date, when she approves of me putting out an entire 411 on her! LOL
@BWJen, my "school teacher" that told me how much I inspired her when in reality she was inspiring me. I saw her doing this, read her posts, laughed with her.
@FabFatties and @Skinny_Scoopers and @GirlGetStrong2 and @teetee_71 and @PhatBFF to name just a few that keep me laughing through the toughest of times... while they share simple things like new products they found, or new recipes or simply how they got the UMPH to just DO IT today. @SeanAAnderson who continues to amaze me because his trip is so much longer than mine and I have days I feel like I'll never make it... his blog reminds me that I will and can.
If I didn't mention you, please don't be offended, there are so many of you out there in my "Fitter Twitter" group that I keep forgetting to list you all... but you can check my posts and see where and who my convos tend to be with.. you'll know who inspires me.
So with Weigh In tomorrow, not sure how big of a loss I'll see since I kinda cheated and weighed in the middle of this past week to see if I got to my UNDER 300 mark... and I did by the way but either way... I know that this has become a lifetime commitment for me. I'm NEVER going back to the way I was.
In the end I will die, we all do, but I will die knowing that I tried my best to live a long and healthy life. That I cared enough about ME to make a difference. That I loved those around me enough to WANT to stay here as long as possible.
And my last comment on the whole trip so far.... I hope that the people in my life now and in the future would be the same people in my life with or without my extra weight. While it's not pretty to be "fat", nor is it healthy, it doesn't make me who I am. I don't look upon anyone differently because of how they look on the outside, I hope and pray you do the same. Some day, we will have no faces, no beautiful or unbeautiful bodies to show off.. only our hearts & souls. So make sure your INSIDES are as healthy as your OUTSIDES!
Don't forget to check out my newest Book Blog, where I give book reviews on recent books I've read. If you're a reader you'll want to check this out!
ONE DAY AT A TIME!
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7.Sean Anderson the formerly 500lb man!
Diary of A Winning Loser